


Hard in Hightown: Quarantine

by el_frijole



Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Canonical Character Death, Chantry Issues, Complete, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friends to Enemies to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Isabela meddles where she doesn't belong, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Mage Hawke (Dragon Age), Meredith is a racist, Non-Canonical Character Death, OC Hawke, Purple Hawke (Dragon Age), Slow Burn, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Varric meddles where he doesn't belong, and they were ROOMMATES, mentions of sterilization, quarantine fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:54:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 20,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25939990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/el_frijole/pseuds/el_frijole
Summary: When Fenris posted an ad for a roommate, he could not have possibly imagined that the seemingly sweet girl named Hawke would be such a hassle.AKAAnd they were roommates!
Relationships: Fenris/Female Hawke
Comments: 9
Kudos: 33





	1. Chapter 1

When Fenris posted an ad for a roommate, he could not have possibly imagined that the seemingly sweet girl a few years younger than him would be such a hassle. 

Maera Hawke had answered his Criagslist ad ten minutes after he posted it. She came that day to view the room and by the end of the afternoon, her name was on the lease. She moved in the very next day, apparently having been very desperate for housing. 

At first, things were alright. Hawke, as she preferred to be called, didn’t cause too many problems. She minded her own business for the most part and was usually gone for most hours of the day at class. She was a student at the nearby college. Hawke was nineteen and a sophomore. Fenris was twenty-one and didn’t go to school. 

After about two weeks, Fenris began to notice things that Hawke did that pissed him off. The two had what Fenris lovingly called an ‘empty sink rule’. Basically, whenever the sink was emptied of the dirty dishes, it was the next person’s turn to do them when they eventually piled back up again. Hawke, in her infinite laziness, had found a loophole in Fenris’s rule. If Hawke dirtied a single dish, she would immediately wash it, making it Fenris’s turn to wash the dishes. After which, she would pile a mountain of dirty dishes so high Fenris found himself wondering where they had all come from. He was certain he didn’t own that much flatware. 

Not only was she annoying in her loopholes, but she was an absolute menace when it came to shared spaces. Their bathroom was nearly completely overtaken by numerous beauty and skin care products, yet for some reason, Hawke almost always used Fenris’s toiletries. 

Then there was her room. Fenris always kept his door closed. He thought that was polite, while also implying that he and Hawke were just roommates and not friends. Hawke, on the other hand, kept her door wide open at all times, even when she was sleeping completely topless. On her back. 

Now Fenris was a reasonable man. All these things he might have been able to get past, but any rapport the two had built came crashing down when Fenris found out Hawke was a mage. The elf had been very clear in his ad that this was to be a mage-free apartment. When Fenris found out, he tried to kick her out, but she just yelled about the Fair Housing Act and all this random shit that prevented Fenris from legally being able to kick her out. 

After their massive fight and falling out, Hawke slipped a note under Fenris’s door under the cover of darkness. She said she would keep to herself from now on, but that she truly was grateful to have a roof over her head. 

It’s been six months since that day. Hawke and Fenris have maybe talked a total of three times since then. They kept to themselves. Hawke closes her door. Common areas are empty, Fenris having moved his TV into his own room all those months ago, Hawke having purchased a shower caddy, and both making meals and doing their own dishes while the other is away or asleep. It wasn’t exactly a comfortable living situation, but, to both of them, it was a roof over their heads, so they weren’t in any position to complain. 

Things were… civil, albeit barely, between the two, but everything came crashing down when the shelter in place order came in from Mayor Meredith. 

“I am sorry to say that from this moment onward, Kirkwall is under lockdown. All non-essential businesses are to be closed by five o’clock today. The only businesses allowed to be open are pharmacies and grocery stores. Anyone leaving their homes must wear a face mask and gloves and it is encouraged that you carry a disinfectant with you. If you or someone you live with is high risk, please strongly consider staying home and ordering groceries to be delivered. If you must go out, it’s encouraged that you shower as soon as you return home in order to decontaminate yourself. Remember to wash your hands thoroughly and often. Avoid handshakes, high fives, hugs, and other physical contact with others. Keep a minimum of six feet distance between individuals at all times. If you feel that you have come into contact with an infected individual or you are showing any symptoms yourself, it is strongly encouraged that you self-quarantine for fourteen days. As of this moment, all schools up to and including Kirkwall University, are shut down. All classes are to be held online for the remainder of the school year. Remember to be smart about this, and we’ll all get through it.” Mayor Meredith said on the breaking news announcement that had just interrupted Hawke’s favorite show. 

Only now, she didn’t feel like watching anymore. 

Lockdown? Was this pandemic really that bad? Of course, Hawke had heard about it here and there and it was coming up on the news more and more, but it hadn’t seemed to really sink in that this was a global pandemic killing thousands. 

Fenris jumped at the sound of a knock on his door. It wasn’t something he’d heard in the last six months and he’d nearly forgotten that Hawke had the ability to show up at his door and knock. 

“Um… Come in?” Fenris said, unsure of what Hawke needed from him. 

It must have been something important for Hawke to break their unspoken no-contact rule. 

“Hey.” Hawke said awkwardly as she poked her head through the slightly open door. 

“You may come in, if you wish.” 

And so she did. “I see you’re reading.” She said. 

“I am.”  
“So then I guess you didn’t just see the news.” 

“No, did something happen?” Fenris asked, clearly nervous as he sat up on his bed, closing his book and giving Hawke his full attention. 

“Yeah. The mayor just initiated a full lockdown starting now.”

Fenris has been following this pandemic closely and he figured it was only a matter of time before a lockdown was instituted. He quickly grabbed his phone and looked up the news for himself. Hawke was silent, standing in his doorway as he read the news for himself. 

“I figured it would come to this.” Fenris sighed. 

“Um, I kinda came by to ask you something, also.” Hawke said, drawing Fenris’s attention. 

“What?” He asked, curious.

“Are you high risk?” 

Fenris was taken aback by her question. He hadn’t expected her to ask and had honestly already had a plan of self-isolation in place for the eventual lockdown. 

“Because I remember when we, uh, had our disagreement and you mentioned that your tattoos were lyrium and I know lyrium brings a whole set of problems with it, including immunodeficiencies. If you are high risk, I promise not to go anywhere. I’ll just order all my groceries delivered.” 

Fenris truly had no idea what to say. He didn’t remember saying that. He’d said a lot of things in anger that night, but if Hawke remembered that, then what other words spewed in anger did she remember? 

“Uh… Yes, actually. You’re right, about it all. The lyrium tattoos make me immunodeficient. I… appreciate you protecting me by not going out.” 

“It’s no problem. My brother was a templar and he, uh, had some problems with lyrium, so I know a bit about what it can do.” 

Fenris didn’t know Hawke had a brother. 

“I worry about rent, though.” Fenris said, changing the topic to another worry of his. “Neither of us work in essential businesses, and even if we did, we established I’m high risk.” 

Hawke now looked nervous. “Um, well, I actually can pay rent for us until this is over.” 

Hawke could pay rent? For both of them? How? Everything Fenris knew about Hawke pointed to her being the brokest of bitches. 

“How?” 

“I’d rather not answer that, if that’s ok with you, but I really don’t mind covering rent. I promise you it’s not burdening me or anything, so just accept the offer, ok?” Hawke said, her cheeky personality coming back.

Fenris realized that he kinda missed it. 

“Then I… I am grateful. Thank you.” 

“Don’t mention it.” Hawke shrugged, a smile on her face. “Anyways, that was all. Just wanted to establish the basis for our new normal. Have a good night, Fenris.” 

And with that, Hawke exited his room and closed his door behind her. Fenris stared at where she had just been standing. He realized he was lonely. These last six months of avoiding each other had really messed with him, and now he couldn’t even go out and get a drink with his friends to escape the suffocating home environment. This was certainly going to be an interesting quarantine.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Turns out, trying to get groceries delivered in the middle of a quarantine is harder than Hawke thought.

Hawke had run out of groceries two days ago. She was hungry and frustrated, the last of her food (two expired packages of ramen, which she didn’t even know could expire) was being saved for dinner that night. She was desperate for groceries, but every single delivery app was busy! It seemed like no matter what time she checked in an effort to have groceries, they never had any open slots available and her cart would go unpurchased. 

It wasn’t that Fenris was paying particular attention to Hawke since the quarantine started two weeks ago, but it was becoming impossible to not notice how barren her side of the cabinets was becoming. He was pretty sure she only had two packages of ramen, and even that was only because he’d slid them over from his side to hers when he noticed her stock of food getting particularly low. 

Fenris, for the life of him, couldn’t figure out why Hawke wasn’t ordering groceries. He’d already had two grocery deliveries since quarantine started. He was in his bedroom practicing his writing when he finally had an understanding as to what was going on. His phone told him it was midnight. 

“This fucking app! I’m so over it! It’s midnight! Your slots open at midnight! Tell me how all your slots are full! They literally just opened!” Hawke yelled from, presumably, her room. “I just want fucking groceries! But yeah, no, let me starve! It’s no big deal!” She then screamed unintelligibly.

Fenris actually kind of felt bad for her. He hadn’t had to face the same issue as Hawke, yet he could only imagine how many people were now trying to get groceries delivered. 

You see, Fenris had this neat little thing called a Reparations Card. Reparations Cards were given to citizens of Kirkwall, and some other cities around The Free Marches, Ferelden, and Orlais. If you were a citizen of Kirkwall who was an escaped Tevinter slave, you were entitled to a Reparations Card. It basically gave you access to everything for little to no cost. It was the city’s way of apologizing for what you’ve been through, and since the quarantine began, citizens with Reparations Cards had priority slots on grocery delivery apps. 

When Fenris was sure Hawke was asleep, he made his way into the kitchen. Hawke was a very visual person. She liked to write things down so she could see them. This meant that she was the only person under seventy who used those dumb magnetic grocery list pads of paper. 

Fenris pulled up his grocery delivery app and input all of Hawke’s list, adding it to his own order and placing it before he went to bed. 

..............................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Hawke awoke to someone banging on their apartment door. She got up, tired as hell, and made her way to the front door, checking the peephole. It was a grocery delivery, obviously for Fenris since Hawke couldn’t get a slot. She did notice, however, that there were significantly more groceries than he’d gotten before. 

“Thanks, I got ‘em!” Hawke called through the door and the man left. 

Hawke grabbed the lysol spray they kept by the door now and opened the door, spraying all the grocery bags before bringing them all inside and onto the counters. She closed and relocked the door (something Fenris insisted on for some reason. They lived in a really nice neighborhood, Hawke had argued, but it didn’t matter. This was a deal breaker for him, so she agreed before moving in), going back over to the pile of groceries. 

Hawke checked the clock on their microwave. It was only seven thirty. Fenris wasn’t awake yet and probably wouldn’t be for many more hours. Hawke began to rifle through his bags, searching for anything that needed to be refrigerated or frozen. She found a few items and placed them where they belonged so they wouldn’t spoil or melt before leaving the rest of the groceries for Fenris after he woke up. 

Since she was planning on going back to bed, Hawke left a note telling Fenris she’d put away his perishables, but didn’t touch his other stuff because she knows how picky he gets about where his stuff goes. Hawke just throws shit in a cabinet and finds it when she wants it. Fenris had a system. Apparently. He mentioned it when she first moved in, but she hadn’t really been paying much attention when he brought it up. 

Hawke made her way back down the hall and back into bed, shedding her shirt before dropping down onto the plush mattress. 

For the first time in six months, Hawke didn’t close her door. 

..............................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Fenris woke up around noon. Knowing Hawke, she’d still be asleep until at least two, so Fenris knew he was free to use the bathroom and kitchen. 

When he exited his room to go to the bathroom he noticed something he hadn’t seen in six months. Hawke’s door was wide open. Of course she was topless, so that sort of ruined the moment, but it was still nice to see that things between them were becoming a little less tense, at least enough that she felt comfortable once again sleeping with her door open. 

Fenris, when he was finished his morning routine in the bathroom, made his way to the kitchen. He was surprised to see groceries on the counter. He noticed a note near the grocery bags and picked it up. 

‘Fenris, your groceries got delivered at like 7:30am so that was pretty sucky lol, but anyways I already put away things that were frozen or needed to be refrigerated so don’t panic about it, k? -Hawke’

Fenris was surprised at how thoughtful Hawke had been. Had she always been? No, he thought, there was no way. She used to use a loophole to get out of doing the dishes! Anyone who does that is clearly not thoughtful. 

But still, this gesture was nice, and she did it without even knowing her groceries were included in these bags. 

Fenris spent the next hour putting away his groceries carefully and in their proper places. He was very particular. He had a system. Unsure if Hawke had her own system, Fenris opted to leave her groceries on the counter with a note of his own. In shaky handwriting, he wrote that these were hers. 

He cooked himself breakfast, or rather lunch, and retreated back to his room. 

..............................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Hawke woke up again at around two in the afternoon. She yawned loudly before grabbing a shirt off the floor and putting it on to head to the bathroom. 

After her bathroom routine, she made her way to the kitchen, surprised to see there were still groceries not put away. There was no way Fenris hadn’t woken up yet. He always got up around noon. 

Hawke walked over to the groceries and saw another note, this one addressed to her. 

‘Hawke, I happened to get a slot on the grocery app I use so I ordered your groceries, too. I hope you don’t mind. Perhaps we could do this from now on? It makes more sense than ordering two separate orders to the same place. -Fenris’ 

Hawke could have cried. Fenris had done something nice for her! A gesture of good will! This was incredible. Hawke truly thought the day would never come. 

When she moved in, she was desperate for housing and even though Fenris had said No Mages At All in his posting, Hawke felt that she didn’t have a choice. She thought she could lie to Fenris for their year together, but something had happened that resulted in him finding out. Ever since then, he’d been wary of her. 

Hawke was a dumbass, but she wasn’t stupid. It was clear in the way Fenris talked about and acted around mages that something had happened in his past involving mages; something awful. Hawke wasn’t sure if his tattoos were vallaslin (on steroids) or not. She didn’t know anything about him, really; if he came from an Alienage or a Dalish clan, but he was terrified of mages, so to see him doing something so nice for her despite her being a mage was surprising, and even a little endearing if she was being honest. 

“Come in.” Fenris said when he heard the knock on his door. 

Hawke entered and Fenris put his pen down, his fingers sore from gripping his pen too tight. 

“I just wanted to say thank you, for my groceries.” Hawke said, standing awkwardly in Fenris’s doorway as she had done two weeks ago to tell him of the quarantine. 

“It was no issue. I figured it was the least I could do since you covered rent.” 

Hawke smiled at Fenris for the first time in months and his heart leapt. 

“Well, still, thanks. I appreciate it. I was starting to get desperate.” She laughed. “Anyways.” She said, shrugged, and then left the room. 

Fenris stared at where she had just been standing. He found himself once again missing her presence. In the last six months he’d forgotten how magnetic her personality was. She just made you want to be around her, no matter how different you were. 

Fenris tried to get back into his writing, but it wasn’t working out and so he decided to instead turn on his television and lose himself in Criminal Minds. 

Hawke, on the other hand, retreated to her own room, leaving the door open while she worked on some homework due at midnight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and as always you can find me on tumblr under the same username, el-frijole!   
> Next chapter will be posted Sunday!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Difficult conversations seem to always happen over dinner, don't they?

B.G. (that stands for Before Groceries, as Hawke lovingly refers to the time before the day Fenris bought her groceries), Fenris and Hawke would go out of their way to avoid each other. If Fenris heard Hawke rummaging around outside of her room, he would stay in his own, and vice versa. Hawke made sure to always be in her room when Fenris was about. After the incident, it was done to minimize the risk of them bumping into each other and it just generally made living together P.I. (that’s Post Incident) easier. 

But it seems that things were different now. Hawke was starting to leave her door open again and while Hawke was cooking herself dinner, Fenris actually emerged from his room and into the living room, stopping a moment to watch her cook. 

“What are you cooking?” He asked, surprising the both of them. 

He hadn’t intended to speak to her, just to test how being around her in their shared space made him feel. 

“Um, it’s an old family recipe. It’s kinda like Ferelden Stew, if you’ve had that.” 

“It smells delicious.” 

“You can have some, if you want.” Hawke said before she could even realize what she was saying. Fenris was startled by her words. She was offering him food. They hadn’t shared a meal ever, even before he knew she was a mage. “I can make you a bowl and leave it on the counter, so you don’t have to get too close.” Hawke offered. 

“I… I would like that. Thank you.” 

Hawke grabbed two bowls from the cabinet and used the ladle she’d been using to stir to dole out large portions of the stew until both bowls were filled almost to spilling. Fenris had never known large portions. Even after escaping Tevinter, he kept his meals small, but to not accept this large bowl of stew would ruin whatever it was that was between them now. 

Hawke placed Fenris's bowl on the counter with a spoon next to it before taking her own bowl and spoon and leaving the kitchen. Fenris made his way to where she had been and Hawke sat herself down at the small kitchen table they kept to the right of the front door, just outside the kitchen and living areas. 

Fenris picked up his bowl and spoon and looked at Hawke. He’d planned to retreat to his room to eat, but the sight of Hawke eating alone pulled on his heartstrings and he walked over to the table, sitting on the opposite side across from her. 

At the sight of Fenris sitting down to eat with her, Hawke’s eyebrows shot up into her hairline. She hadn’t expected this, not in a million years did she think Fenris would eat with her. Maybe B.I., but definitely not P.I. and unless she had cast a spell in her sleep to go back in time, they were definitely living in a P.I. apartment. 

And yet, Hawke found that she wasn’t bothered by his presence. In fact, she felt a little more at ease than she had all day, as if she could relax a little. It was nice, as she hadn’t realized how stressed she’d been. 

They didn’t speak, but it wasn’t as awkward as either of them had thought it would be. It was a calm sort of silence, the type you might expect two people who’d been living together for seven months to share. 

Fenris was full after a quarter of his bowl was finished, but he knew he couldn’t leave anything unfinished or else he’d risk making Hawke feel bad. He didn’t want to ruin the moment they were sharing, so he forced himself to try to finish his bowl. 

He was about halfway finished when Hawke noticed he was clearly not having a good time. She saw the way he was slow to bring his spoon to his mouth and how every swallow seemed to torture the poor elf. 

Hawke burst out laughing, startling Fenris who dropped his spoon, causing his stew to splash up onto his face. This made Hawke laugh more as Fenris tried to quickly clean himself. 

“You don’t have to finish it, Fenris.” Hawke said through her laughter. 

“I’m not sure what you mean.” He said, playing dumb. 

“I can see you trying to force yourself to eat. You don’t have to. This is a pretty hearty stew and if you didn’t grow up eating it, it can be a lot. I shouldn’t have given you such a large portion.” She said, still chuckling somewhat. “I won’t take offense if you don’t finish.” 

Finally, now that he’d gotten permission to stop eating, Fenris put his spoon down and pushed the bowl slightly away from him, as if it even being close to him was offensive. 

“It was excellent.” Fenris said, honest in his praise. “Thank you for sharing it. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to finish.” 

“Don’t even worry about it!” Hawke said, laughing for another moment. “There’s still plenty left. The recipe makes, like, ten servings, so just add your bowl back to the pot and I’ll put it in some tupperware for later.” 

“That’s a large recipe.” Fenris noted. “Do you have a large family, Hawke?” He found himself asking, despite his better judgement. 

Hawke’s entire demeanor fell and Fenris immediately knew he’d fucked up in asking her a personal question. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-” 

Hawke quickly shook her head to ease his worry. 

“No, don’t apologize. I, uh, I did. I mean, I used to have a large family. I’m actually the only Hawke left.” 

Fenris hadn’t expected that. He mentally kicked himself. He shouldn’t have asked. He should’ve taken his dinner into his room and closed his door as he always did. He should’ve kept her at arm’s length. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know.” 

Hawke shook her head again, this time slowly, as if to hide the tears forming in the corners of her eyes. 

“You didn’t know.” She repeated her earlier sentiment. “Sorry, I’ll be right back.” 

Hawke quickly got up and practically ran to her room. Fenris heard the door shut loudly, closed quickly, not slammed in anger. 

She didn’t come back. 

Fenris cleaned up and put the leftover stew into three tupperware containers, though it barely all fit even amongst all three containers. He put the containers into the fridge and did the dishes, not even angry that they weren’t his. He felt so much guilt over what he’d caused that doing the dishes was the least he felt he could do for Hawke. 

That’s when his phone dinged. Fenris looked at the screen, wondering if it was a text. It was just a notification from DoorDash. ‘Kirkwall Coffee is now on DoorDash!’ the ad read. This gave Fenris an idea. 

Kirkwall Coffee was Hawke’s absolute favorite place. Fenris knew this because of the sheer amount of empty Kirkwall Coffee to-go cups he’d thrown out in their time living together before the incident. Fenris even knew Hawke’s exact order because it was printed on every single one of those cups. 

Fenris opened DoorDash. 

..............................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Hawke was surprised to hear a soft knock on her bedroom door. Even B.I. Fenris never knocked on her door. Mostly because it was always open, but also because he just wasn’t that kind of person. He was real big on personal space, privacy, and boundaries. 

Hawke grabbed the edge of her blanket and quickly wiped away her tears. 

“Come in!” She called, but her voice was hoarse and gave her away. 

Tears or no, Fenris would know she’d been crying. 

Fenris opened her door and walked inside, surprised to see her room was actually clean. He took a moment to look around. He’d never actually been in her room before. Everything he knew about it was from what he’d seen in passing on his way to the bathroom when she kept her door open. 

“Is that Kirkwall Coffee?” Hawke asked before Fenris could speak. 

He suddenly remembered why he’d come to her room. 

“Yes. I got it off DoorDash, so don’t think I went out for it.” He said, walking over to her and extending the hand that held her coffee. 

Hawke stared at the coffee, then at Fenris, but made no motion to take the coffee. Fenris was confused, but he suddenly remembered and quickly pulled away from the mage. He turned quickly and placed the coffee on her desk before retreating to the door. 

“I’m sorry about earlier. I hope I haven’t caused you too much unnecessary pain.” Fenris said before leaving her room and closing the door softly behind him. 

Hawke leapt for the coffee, taking the still hot beverage and chugged it, unbothered by the near boiling liquid burning her tongue and throat. It was nice to feel physical pain rather than the emotional turmoil she’d been lost in in the last hour or so. 

..............................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Fenris was surprised to wake up at noon and find that Hawke was already awake. She was in the living room, causing him to jump when he finally noticed her. She laughed when she saw this and he blushed, embarrassed at how quickly he’d let himself get surprised. 

Fenris took a look at what she was doing. She appeared to be setting up a new TV on the TV stand that had sat empty for the last seven months. Hawke was surrounded by empty cardboard and a seemingly endless amount of cords. 

“Mornin’, sunshine.” Hawke teased as she paused what she was doing. 

“Good morning.” Fenris replied, choosing to ignore her teasing. “What are you doing?” 

“Oh, I bought a TV! There was a really good sale, so I figured I’d buy one for the living room. I’ve been getting pretty bored in my bedroom, so this will at least let us have a change of scenery since this quarantine keeps getting extended.” 

“You didn’t have to buy a whole new TV.” 

Hawke shrugged and resumed her work to set up the new TV. “It’s fine, really. I’m still getting money, but with nowhere to go and nothing to spend it on, it’s just been piling up.” Hawke laughed. 

Fenris was confused, but he realized he shouldn’t be. He didn’t actually know what Hawke did for work. It must have been pretty lucrative if she was able to afford the rent on their Hightown apartment by herself. He considered asking her what she did, but he remembered their first conversation when the quarantine was first implemented and decided against it. 

“Well that was thoughtful of you.” 

“Oh, I hope you didn’t think you could use this…” 

Fenris physically recoiled at Hawke’s comment, but before he could speak she started laughing. 

“I’m joking, Fenris! You should see the look on your face!” She broke out into laughter. 

Fenris’s embarrassed blush returned. He didn’t say anything and instead went into the kitchen, opening their mug/drug cabinet. Hawke watched curiously as Fenris pulled out a tall mug and tipped it over. Out of the mug spilled three prescription bottles. Fenris opened them, took out some pills, and filled the mug with tap water, using it to take his pills. He then put the three containers back in the mug and placed the mug back in the back of the cabinet. 

Hawke quickly looked away to avoid having Fenris see her watching him. She didn’t know he had prescription pills, and that was most likely how he wanted it to be. She wondered for a moment what they were for, but then remembered her own prescription bottles hidden away under her bed and dropped the thought. 

..............................................................................................................................................................................................................................

At around seven o’clock that same night, Hawke made her way to Fenris’s door. She went to knock, but hesitated. Was this really going to be ok? Was this going to push too far? Would it ruin the newfound peace in the apartment? Or would it be worse not to ask? 

Hawke eventually knocked. 

“Come in.” Fenris said, his door opening in response. “Hawke. How can I help you?” 

“Um, well I just bought this new movie and I wasn’t sure if you wanted to watch it with me?” 

“What movie is it?” 

Hawke was surprised. That wasn’t a flat out no, so there was hope. 

“It’s Birds of Prey, you know, that new Harley Quinn movie.” 

Fenris perked up. “I’ve actually been meaning to see that. I’ve heard excellent things.” 

“Me too!” Hawke said, worry gone from her mind. “I heard it’s, like, the best movie ever!” 

“Are you planning on watching it right now?” 

“Yeah, unless you need to finish what you’re working on, I can wait.” Hawke said, gesturing to the writing Fenris had been working on on his desk. 

“Oh, yes, thank you. I actually do need to finish this. It shouldn’t take more than ten minutes.” 

“That’s fine. I’ll wait for you in the living room. I’ll make popcorn while I wait, actually!” Hawke said cheerily, leaving Fenris’s room, but forgetting to close his door behind her. 

Fenris couldn’t help but find himself enjoying the sight of his door open. He was able to more easily hear Hawke as she sang softly to herself while she rustled around the cabinets looking for popcorn to make. 

He tried to focus on his writing, but he could only think of Hawke. 

Hawke stared at the microwave, carefully listening to the pops of the popcorn. When she could no longer hear any popping, she quickly stopped the machine, grabbing the hot bag. She hissed at the pain as she quickly tried to transfer the popcorn from the bag to a large bowl. She managed it, but did burn herself slightly in the process. She checked her surroundings quickly. Fenris wasn’t around, so she very quietly used her magic to heal her burns. She made sure to be quick, not wanting to scare Fenris away when he was just starting to get comfortable around her again. 

When Fenris emerged from his room, he found Hawke sitting on the left side of the couch. He sat himself on the right side, the bowl of popcorn separating them. 

As they began the movie, neither of them thought of what could happen if they were to bump hands in the popcorn bowl. In their newfound peace, they forgot. 

To say that Birds of Prey was Fenris’s new favorite movie would be an understatement. Not only did he and Hawke immediately rewind and play it a second time as soon as they were finished watching it, they couldn’t stop singing its praises after. Both of them, with their own respective backgrounds, could understand the catharsis that came from killing the men that have hurt you. 

For the first time ever, Fenris and Hawke went to bed with smiles on their faces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading and I hope you're enjoying the story so far!   
> As always kudos and comments are appreciated and you can find me on tumblr under the same username, el-frijole


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things fall apart when Fenris has a nightmare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: this chapter contains death mention, drug mention, mentions of overdose, and mentions of sterilization, as well as canon typical mentions of slavery

By two months into quarantine, Hawke and Fenris had built the foundations of a peaceful roommate-ship. They now ate their meals together (when they were awake at the same time, of course) and they watched TV and movies together, too. Sometimes they’d play games, but after a particularly rough round of Monopoly, they decided to stow the board games for the rest of quarantine. All in all, things were actually good. Their Hightown apartment wasn’t hostile anymore. 

“I feel so bad for everyone graduating this year.” Hawke said as her and Fenris watched KNN. 

The reporters were discussing graduations and how schools planned to handle them, if they were going to do anything at all. 

“I do believe there are worse things in the world than missing graduation.” 

“That’s true, but these kids will never get this experience again. Missing high school graduation can mean a lot to them.” 

Fenris huffed, preparing for a fight. “So long as there are children in slavery in Tevinter, I think these kids can get over a missed graduation.” 

Hawke sensed Fenris’s anger. She didn’t want to start a fight and shatter the delicate peace they’d worked so hard these last two months to create. She understood where he was coming from. As an elf, the slave trade in Tevinter probably hit closer to home than it did Hawke, who was just a human. Considering most of Tevinter’s slaves were elves, she could see how Fenris would get so upset over it. 

Hawke didn’t know why she didn’t think that Fenris would have causes he cared about. His extreme hatred for mages made her think that there couldn’t be anything he cared about. It didn’t really make sense, though, when Hawke thought about it. If you wanted to end slavery, how could you go around preaching for the imprisonment of mages? 

“You’re right. I didn’t think of it that way, I’m sorry.” Hawke said, ending the fight before it began. 

Fenris looked over to her, but her eyes were fixed to the television. He felt a little bad about snapping at her, but he’d lived through slavery, spent twenty years as someone’s loyal hound. These kids could get over their missed graduation. 

“Would you like to order out for dinner?” Fenris asked, surprising Hawke. 

“Um, yeah. Sounds good. What are you in the mood for?” 

“I was thinking noodles. I’ve been craving them for some time now.” 

“Oh, Maker! I would kill for some noodles right now! Please tell me you were thinking of getting Oba.” 

“Where else?” Fenris chuckled, his previous anger forgotten at the sight of Hawke happy. 

“I want the Oba Ramen. There is literally nothing better! Oh, and pork buns. We need pork buns.” 

“Obviously we’re getting pork buns. What do you take me for, Hawke? An elf without taste?” He teased, a smirk pulling his lips up in a way that made Hawke’s heart stutter and her face heat up. 

She’d always thought Fenris was attractive, at least until he started spewing his anti-mage propaganda, but now that they’d formed some sort of friendship, she was starting to see it again. 

Hawke smiled back at Fenris as he pulled up DoorDash on his phone. 

When their food arrived they ate together. Fenris laughed when Hawke nearly choked from eating her pork buns too fast and Hawke teased Fenris for not being able to use chopsticks. It was the most laughter their walls had ever seen and by the time dinner was over, they were both happy and satisfied. 

“Do you wanna watch a movie?” Hawke asked as she helped Fenris clean up from their meal. 

“Sure. What did you have in mind?” 

“I dunno, we can surf Netflix until we find something?” 

“That’s as good a plan as any.” Fenris shrugged. 

And so, when they were finished with their cleaning they made their way to the living room to watch a movie. They spent about two hours choosing what to watch and thirty minutes into the movie, Fenris was asleep, lightly snoring from his side of the couch. Hawke looked over at him and smiled stupidly to herself. He was really, really cute. 

About an hour and a half into their two hour movie, Fenris started moving. At first, he would just jerk a limb here and there, but then he started mumbling. His beautiful features became scrunched up in fear and anger. He was clearly having a nightmare. Hawke paused the movie and turned to face Fenris. What should she do in this situation? Should she wake him up? Or not? 

While she grappled with her decision, Fenris started speaking in his sleep, only he wasn’t speaking Common. Hawke recognized the language when Fenris started swearing. It was Tevene. 

Everything suddenly hit Hawke all at once. An elf speaking Tevene? His hatred for mages? It all made sense now. Fenris was an escaped Tevinter slave. 

Hawke quickly moved over to him, hoping to wake him. 

“Fenris. Fenris! Fenris, you’re having a nightmare!” 

But he wouldn’t wake. Hawke acted quickly, not thinking of the consequences of her next action. She placed her hands on Fenris to shake him awake, but the moment her skin touched his, a jolt of pain went through her body, and his, too, scaring them both. 

Hawke backed away from Fenris as he jumped off the couch, his tattoos glowing brightly in the dim apartment and his eyes wild and bloodthirsty. 

“Fenris, it’s me! It’s Hawke!” Hawke yelled, an attempt to calm him down before he hurt her, which she could see he was clearly capable of. 

Fenris stopped moving as if he was suddenly realizing his surroundings. His tattoos began to fade until they no longer were glowing and his eyes began to look less wild. He was breathing deeply, and he placed a hand where Hawke had touched him. It was clearly painful with the way he winced. 

“What did you do to me?” He asked, angry. 

“Me? I didn’t do anything! You were having a nightmare! I tried to wake you!” 

“You shouldn’t have touched me! You remember what happened last time, no?!” Fenris yelled, his anger rising and the wildness in his eyes coming back. “Your magic is dangerous!” He hissed. 

Now Hawke was angry. “My magic is dangerous?! How about your tattoos?! They hurt me just as much as they hurt you!” 

“You know nothing of my pain! Of the pain I have to live with every moment of every day! These tattoos never cease to hurt! I live in a constant state of agony!” 

“Look,” Hawke said, losing all rational thought to anger. “I’m sorry about whatever your master-” 

“What did you just say to me?” 

Suddenly, Hawke realized her place and realized she just made a huge mistake. 

“Fenris, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-”

“You don’t know anything about my life.” 

“You were swearing in Tevene in your sleep! You hate mages! It’s not hard to put two and two together!” 

“I was defiled by mages! It is only fair I hate them! You could never see past your own pathetic little worldview to see that there are problems beside your own!” 

“What?! I spent years fixing other people’s problems! Don’t tell me I can’t see past my own!” 

“You?” Fenris laughed. “You expect me to believe you fixed other people’s problems? You have enough money to pay for a Hightown apartment by yourself! You think you’re the only one who can put two and two together? You’re a rich girl, probably moved out to prove to mommy and daddy that you could do things on your own, but you still accept their money!” Fenris yelled, forgetting that Hawke had mentioned a few weeks ago she was the only one in her family left. 

“Rich girl?!” Hawke yelled back, just as angry. “My money comes from the city! I’m the Champion of Kirkwall!” 

Now Fenris had to pause. Champion of Kirkwall? He tried to think back on everything he knew of the Champion. She always tried to avoid the limelight and she was the one Mayor Meredith sent to do her dirty work, according to some conspiracists. Her name… The Champion’s name was… The Champion of Kirkwall’s name was Hawke. This Hawke, his Hawke, was the Champion of Kirkwall. 

“Of course you are.” Fenris said, anger coming back to him. “I should’ve known such a highly respected position and title was taken by a mage!” He yelled, his anger now back in full. “What has magic touched that it doesn’t spoil?!”

Hawke stared at him silently, her own anger begging to boil over even more. 

“You know nothing of how magic has touched my life.” She said, an eerie calmness in her voice that made Fenris a little uneasy. 

“I know how magic touches all whose lives it affects!” He cried, not ready to let his anger go. “You live comfortably and easily in a world you can bend to your will!” 

“You really think that being the Champion of Kirkwall has made my life easier? You truly think that, just because I’m a mage, my life has been a breeze? I wasn’t handed the position of Champion because I’m a mage and things are easier for mages. I sold my body and soul and cursed my family to become Champion!” 

Fenris had nothing to say in response, but his face fell and his anger was noticeably slipping away. What did Hawke mean?

“My younger siblings were only twelve years old when they were ripped from my mother’s side; dragged out of the only home they’ve ever known. Bethany was a mage. She was sent to the Circle. I don’t know if you know anything about the Kirkwall Circle, but it’s full to bursting. Do you know what Circles do when there are too many mages and not enough Templars? They force them to do their Harrowing when they aren’t ready. Bethany was only thirteen years old when they forced her to do her Harrowing.” 

Fenris’s eyes had a gleam of hope and Hawke wanted to vomit. She knew he was desperate for her to tell him that Bethany survived, that by some miracle she passed her Harrowing and lived. 

“She died, Fenris.” Hawke spat. “She was murdered by a Templar when she got possessed by a demon.” 

Fenris squeezed his eyes shut, as if trying to push the image of a thirteen year old girl being cut down from his mind, even if she was a mage, but Hawke wasn’t going to let him off that easily. 

“Carver, we all thought, was the luckiest. He wasn’t a mage, so we were sure his life would be far easier. Meredith sent him to the Templars. He was twelve years old and they gave him lyrium his first night there. He developed a habit, as you can expect any Templar to, and so they kicked him out, leaving him to die on the streets. He was thirteen when a smuggler took pity on him and gave him some lyrium, but it wasn’t pure lyrium, it was new shit, red lyrium, they called it.” 

Again, Fenris’s eyes glimmered with hopeful and wishful thinking, praying that Hawke would say that at least he survived; that they found him and cleaned him up and got him help. 

Again, Hawke shattered his hope. 

“He overdosed not ten minutes after taking that lyrium.” Hawke stopped talking for a long time, but Fenris didn’t dare break the silence. “My mother killed herself after that, but truly, who could blame her? Her husband? Murdered for being a mage. He was dragged out of our home when I was only nine years old and Templars murdered him in our driveway for being an apostate. Then her youngest daughter was murdered for being a mage. Her only son? Murdered for having mages as sisters. And her oldest? I was the one who caused it all. I became the Champion of Kirkwall to avoid going to the Circle. I thought I was safe with Meredith. I thought my family was safe. I lied, stole, and murdered for Meredith and how did she repay me? She went to my house and stole my younger siblings. She killed my family. So you know what? You’re right, Fenris. What has magic touched that it doesn’t spoil? My entire family is dead because I had the audacity to be born a mage.”  
And with that, Hawke grabbed her mask hanging by the door and walked out. 

..............................................................................................................................................................................................................................

“Can I come over?” 

“Sorry, babe, but it’s a pandemic.” 

“Then can I at least come sit on your fire escape and talk to you through the window? I’m desperate.” 

Isabela was silent as she pondered the thought. “I guess that works.” 

“Great, because I’m here. Open the window.” 

Isabela rolled her eyes as her best friend hung up and started rapping on her window. She walked over and opened the window, leaving the screen in place. She grabbed her armchair and dragged it over near the window so she could be comfortable while the two spoke. 

“So what happened? Another fight with the roomie?” 

“This one was worse than the one before.” Hawke groaned, placing her head in her hands, shame overtaking her whole body. 

“One second.” Isabela said, getting up and going to her fridge. She pulled out two bottles of vanilla vodka from her freezer and walked back over to the window, opening the screen and leaving one bottle on the sill. She sat back in her chair a comfortable distance from Hawke. “Start from the beginning.” She said, opening her own bottle and taking a long swig. 

..............................................................................................................................................................................................................................

“And I just don’t understand how someone so beautiful can harbor such anger! Like,” Hawke paused to hiccup. “Like I get it, obvi everything with him happened and I can’t make it not happen, but like… Ugh! This just makes me seem awful!”

Isabela laughed at Hawke’s drunken rambling.

“I think he should apologize.” Isabela said, taking another swig of her near empty bottle. “He was wrong.” 

“But I hurt him! I should apologize!” Hawke yelled, desperate for Isabela to see that she was tearing herself apart with guilt. “I’m the worst person ever! He’s right to hate mages. We’re the worst.” Hawke sighed, taking a few moments to finish her bottle. “Can I have more?” 

“No, Hawke, you cannot.” Isabela said, rolling her eyes. “It’s a pandemic. You’re lucky I even shared with you from my stockpile.” 

Hawke huffed, upset that her best friend was denying her liquor.  
Isabela saw her friend’s eyes drooping and went over to her couch, grabbing a pillow and a blanket. Thankfully, it was now May and the night was warm. Isabela shoved the pillow and blanket through the window. 

“Sleep, Hawke.” She said. “We’ll figure it out in the morning, ok? Oh, and don’t fall to your death.” 

Hawke bundled herself up and quickly fell asleep. 

..............................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Hawke took her mask and walked out. Fenris’s anger wasn’t completely gone, but it was no longer directed at Hawke, but rather himself. He hadn’t intended for the night to go this way. He shouldn’t have fallen asleep around Hawke. He should’ve kept her at arm’s length. 

But that was so hard. Hawke drew him to her. It was such a strong pull that he could have mistaken it for magic, but he knew Hawke would never. That was the worst part of all of this. Over these last two months, Fenris had gotten closer to Hawke than he’d gotten to anyone since he left Tevinter. Even in Tevinter he didn’t have people he was close to. He was kept by Danarius’s side so often that he never had the time. But these few months… He knew Hawke was a mage, yet he also knew she would never hurt anyone she didn’t have to. Now that he knew she was the Champion, it all made sense. Everything he’d heard of the Champion led him to believe she was an admirable, honest, and caring woman. And that was Hawke, his Hawke. She was all those things and more and he deeply regretted losing his temper at her. She’d only been trying to help him, to stop his nightmare and he lashed out like a kicked puppy. 

And, he guessed, in a way, he was. 

Fenris took his phone out of his pocket and texted Hawke. He waited for ten minutes, but got no response. He texted again. And again. And ten more times after that. Finally, he called her, but she didn’t pick up. He called her five more times. Panic was now sinking into his veins making his blood run cold. What if something had happened to her? That would be his fault; another life he’d ended too soon. 

But Hawke was forgetful. Perhaps she just left her phone in her room and that’s why she wasn’t answering? 

Fenris walked down the hall to her room. Her door was open, just as she’d left it. Fenris paused in the doorway. Was this a breach of privacy? Yes, definitely. He shouldn’t go snooping around her room, but these were extenuating circumstances… Plus, Hawke was already furious with him. It’s not like she could even get much more angry with him. 

Oh, and he could just not tell her. That works too. 

Fenris walked inside her room and called her again, hoping to hear a buzzing or her obnoxious ringtone. He didn’t hear either as her phone went to voicemail. 

Fenris cursed in Tevene and accidentally dropped his phone; his palms were sweaty from his nervousness. He jumped back, surprised by the sudden dropping of his phone and accidentally kicked it under Hawke’s bed. He groaned. Now he really was going to be invading her privacy. 

Fenris knelt down on his hands and knees and placed his head on the floor, looking under Hawke’s bed for his phone. It had somehow managed to get stuck between two boxes. Fenris pulled one box out from under the bed and went back for his phone. When he sat up, phone in hand, he went to push the box back under the bed, but he was stopped by its contents. 

There were some miscellaneous papers on the bottom, but on top of the papers were six prescription bottles. Twice as many as he had. 

He truly didn’t mean to pry. Truly. But he is just a man. 

Fenris looked at each bottle. They actually had two prescriptions in common: ones for posttraumatic stress disorder and depression. This made Fenris feel worse. Three he had to Google, but one he recognized right away. Some of the female elves Danarius kept took it. It was an artificial hormone, given to slaves who were sterilized. Hawke’s words echoed in his mind. _“I sold my body and soul and cursed my family to become Champion!”_ Fenris dropped the bottle and ran to the bathroom, making it in time to vomit in the sink. His extreme feelings of guilt having finally overtaken his body, making him physically sick. He vomited twice more before he felt his stomach settle. There was nothing else in it he could regurgitate. He rinsed his mouth and cleaned the sink. 

Fenris fell asleep on the couch waiting for Hawke to return home.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's lay it all out on the table...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: death mentions, suicide mention, canon typical Fenris backstory, Meredith being the worst

Hawke woke up to the sun shining directly onto her. No matter how she moved, the sun wouldn’t go away. She suddenly noticed that she was extremely uncomfortable and extremely hungover. 

Hawke wasn’t exactly surprised to find herself on Isabela’s fire escape. She’d slept in worse places in the past. At least this time she had a pillow and blanket. Hawke shoved the pillow and blanket through Isabela’s open window then closed it and began to make her way down the fire escape. There was no saying what time it was. Her phone was dead, so she couldn’t even check that. Well, at least her walk back to Hightown took her through the center of the city, so she could check the giant clocktower when she passed it. 

Turns out it was only six in the morning. Hawke groaned. Fenris always locked the door. She used to find it troublesome, but it made sense now that she knew about his past. It just meant that Hawke would be locked out until Fenris woke up and she could bang on the door to have him let her in. She should’ve grabbed her mask and her keys. 

Hawke finally made her way back home. She sat down and leaned against the door with a quiet thud, the long walk having made her head pound and her hangover worse. Just as she was settling in to nap outside her apartment, the door supporting her disappeared and she toppled into the apartment. 

Hawke looked up and saw Fenris standing over her. He looked like hell, she noticed. 

“Fenris?” 

“Hawke! You’re alright.” Fenris said, sighing in relief. 

“‘Alright’ is a relative term.” She groaned, slowly getting up. “Why are you awake?” 

“Where were you?! You were gone all night!” 

Hawke shrank under his clear anger. He was still mad about last night, obviously. Hawke knew she needed to apologize. 

“Fenris, about last night… I wanted to apologize. I shouldn’t have touched you and I shouldn’t have lashed out. I-” Before Hawke could say anything else, she was pulled into a tight embrace. 

She’s pretty sure the shock of that alone cured her hangover, but in all actuality, there was no shock like the last two times their skin had touched.

“I’m worried, Hawke, not angry.” Fenris whispered into her ear. It was all a little overwhelming, so Hawke was relieved when Fenris pulled a way and let her go. “I’m the one who should apologize. You were trying to help me and wake me from my nightmare. I’ve never… I’ve never had someone to help me through my nightmares. I should not have gotten angry with you. That was unbecoming of me and I’m sorry.” 

Hawke smiled. “Thank you, Fenris.” It was quiet between them for a while. “Do you want to go to bed and discuss… all of this over dinner?” 

“That sounds good. Good night, Hawke.” Fenris said, going to his room. 

“Fenris!” Hawke called, stopping him before he entered his room. “Thanks for worrying about me. It’s been a long time since someone’s done that.” 

Fenris nodded at her and closed his door behind him. 

Hawke made her way to her bedroom, fell onto the bed, and promptly passed out. 

..............................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Hawke woke up at five in the afternoon. She walked out of her room to find that Fenris was awake, too, watching TV on the couch. 

“Hey.” She said. 

“Hello.” He replied. 

Hawke walked over to the couch and sat down next to Fenris. 

“Should we talk about last night?” Hawke asked. 

“What do you want to talk about?” 

“I guess we should probably get everything out in the open. I think if we knew more about each other we’d be less likely to step on each other’s toes.” 

Fenris turned the idea over in his mind. It was a rational thought and made sense, but it also required Fenris to open up about himself. 

“Who would you have start?” Fenris asked. 

“I can go first.” Hawke said, turning to lean against the armrest of the couch so she could face Fenris fully. “I was born in a small village outside of Amaranthine in Ferelden. My father was an apostate and my mom was the heiress of a wealthy Kirkwall family. Templars had been hunting my father for years, apparently. It’s why we lived in such a small village. I was two when my magic developed. The twins, Bethany and Carver, were born when I was four. Bethany’s magic manifested at nine and she accidently used it in front of some kids, so my family moved to Lothering. When I was fourteen, the Templars found us. They broke down our door and dragged my father outside. They demanded to know if any of us were mages. He said we weren’t and, luckily, they believed him. Then they dragged him outside. He said he would rather die than go to a Circle. Those were his last words. One of them killed him right there in our driveway. I was watching from my bedroom window. 

“After that, my mom moved us to Kirkwall. We were able to claim citizenship since she was born there. She took us to my grandparent’s house only to find out that they’d since passed. We managed to find her brother and we moved in with him. Sadly, he was a drunk and he gambled away the inheritance my grandparents left him as well as the inheritance they left my mom, so we were all forced to live with him in his one bedroom apartment in a really nasty part of Lowtown. I learned to pickpocket so we could have enough money just to eat. We lived that way for a year. I’d sort of started getting a reputation at that point as a local Robin Hood. If I managed to steal more than we needed, I would always give back to the community, mostly the Alienages. I had a friend there who I’m still close with: a Dalish elf named Merrill.” 

“A Dalish elf in an Alienage?” Fenris couldn’t stop himself from asking. 

Hawke chuckled. “Yeah, she’s a pretty unique situation.

“Anyways, when I was fifteen I got caught. I don’t know if you know this, but Mayor Meredith used to be Knight-Captain Meredith. She was in charge of the Templars and she’d had her sights set on me for a while, I guess. When I finally slipped up, she caught me. I begged and begged to not get sent to the Circle. That’s when she offered me a deal. She told me that if I did things for her and helped her clean up the city then she wouldn’t send me to the Kirkwall Circle. The Kirkwall Circle is the worst in all of Thedas.” Hawke shuttered at the thought. “I agreed. That’s when I started fighting some crime and exposing some shady political deals and engaging in even shadier political deals. I did it all in her name and so she was able to win the election for mayor with what I’d done. She gave the orders, but it’s my soul that bears the guilt.” Hawke sighed. “But she paid me well. Really well, actually. I was able to buy back my mom’s childhood estate. We all moved in and we all loved it. It was incredible. Then I turned sixteen. I’d made the mistake of trusting Meredith with information about my family. I’d let it slip that Bethany was a mage and that night Meredith sent Templars to my house. They took Bethany and Carver. My mom entered a state of depression, as did I. Unfortunately, Meredith had control over me. If I betrayed her I would go to the Circle, too. I was just a kid and I thought that if I kept working for her I could convince her to release my siblings. That didn’t happen. When I was seventeen I heard the news that Bethany failed her Harrowing and was killed by the Circle Templars. The very next day, Carver overdosed and died. I can’t imagine the pain he must have felt when Bethany died. They always say twins are connected more strongly than other siblings. After that, I threw myself into my work. I stopped doing it for Meredith and started taking on jobs people asked me to. It was no longer just about her and I started to find a sort of peace in helping again. My mom couldn’t get over it. I was the only one in her family left, besides her brother, but what good was he? She killed herself and I sold the estate. I was homeless for a long time after that. Then I just sort of… stopped? I stopped answering Meredith’s calls and I stopped doing things for people. I just stopped being the Champion of Kirkwall. It was a huge weight off my shoulders, actually. Maybe that makes me a bad person, but it was relieving. I enrolled in the university. I figured I’d try to do something with my life, but Meredith wouldn’t let me go. She was hunting me down and being homeless was making me an easy target. It’s why I was so desperate to move in. I needed a safe place to hide out at, somewhere she didn’t know I was. Anyways, that’s pretty much it. I made tons of money as the Champion and from selling my family’s estate which is why I could pay our rent no problem.”

Fenris just stared at Hawke when she finished. This was so much to process. There was so much more to her than he could have ever imagined. He thought she was some dumb, reckless rich girl. To discover that she had so much more to her than what he originally thought… Well, to say the least, it made it hard to hate her, even though she was a mage. 

What was that old saying? It’s easy to hate a group, but it’s too much work to hate each individual. 

“Hawke…” Fenris started, still unsure of what he wanted to say next. “Thank you for sharing your life with me. I have been so cruel and unkind to you that you didn’t owe me a greeting, much less your life story. I am grateful you trust me with this information and I promise to do better by you from now on. As a roommate, and as a friend.” 

Hawke smiled brightly and almost couldn’t stop the tears that were threatening to spill down her face. 

“I believe it’s your turn.” Hawke said instead of what she was really thinking. 

“Yes, I believe it is. I don’t have a memory of my life before these tattoos. I will tell you what I do know, however. I was a slave in Tevinter to a magister named Danarius. I was his bodyguard. He called me Fenris, his little pet wolf pup. I… do not know my actual name. He gave me these tattoos. They are pure lyrium burned into my skin to give me exceptional power, especially against mages since his biggest threat was other magisters. The lyrium causes me constant pain. I’m used to it by now, but the small hum of pain is always there, just under my skin. When it interacts with magic, such as when a mage touches me, it causes me extreme pain, or so I used to think. Yesterday when I hugged you I felt no pain. 

“I was illiterate, which is why I practice my writing daily and why you may notice that my writing is very shaky. I am still working on it. I escaped Tevinter when I was nineteen, two years ago. Since then, Danarius has sent countless slavers after me. I apparently cost a lot to make and he wasn’t as willing to let me go as I had hoped. I worked as hired security for traveling caravans and the likes, making enough money to rent this apartment, but money goes quickly and I had to get a roommate. 

“Because of my history in Tevinter I harbored a deep hatred for mages. I didn’t think they could govern themselves as they did in Tevinter. I wanted them constantly watched over and believed any mage not a part of a Circle should be killed on sight.” Fenris couldn’t look at Hawke as he said all this, but he could hear her gasp in surprise. “But then I met you. At first, I was angry you didn’t tell me you were a mage. I wanted to call the Templars and send you to the Circle, but then you slid that note under my door. I don’t think you noticed, but you had gotten teardrops on the corner and I knew I wouldn’t be able to call them. 

“Ever since this quarantine has started, I’ve gotten to know so much about you that I’m finding it extremely difficult to hate you, and surprisingly, I don’t want to hate you.” 

“Aw, Fenris.” Hawke said, holding her hands to her heart. “I don’t wanna hate you either.” 

Fenris rolled his eyes and sighed. “Don’t mock me, Hawke.” 

She just giggled before turning serious once more. “Fenris?” 

“Yes?” 

“Do you… Do you want me to call you by another name?” 

Fenris’s heart squeezed at her question, taking his breath away. She continued to surprise him. 

“No. I don’t remember my birth name and coming up with something new now would just be distracting and difficult. Fenris is fine.” 

“Alright, but you have to promise to let me know if you want to be called something else.” 

“I promise.” 

The two sat in silence for a long while, just sitting in the knowledge they now had about each other, trying to process what just happened between them, how they were closer now than ever before and how their lives were now indefinitely intertwined. 

Both Hawke and Fenris knew that not another person in all of Thedas knew their full history except the other on the couch with them. They were now the keepers of each other’s full trust, yet it remains to be seen what they will do with that privilege. 

“Noodles for dinner?”

“Maker, yes!”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isabela visits and Fenris learns a little more about Hawke's time as Champion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! I'm so sorry I forgot to post on Thursday. I caught a stomach bug and completely forgot! I'll post the next chapter today as well to make up for it!

“Nah, we’re cool now.” 

Fenris stopped before he reached the living room. Was Hawke on the phone?

“That’s good. I bet you’re glad for that.” Another voice said, alarming Fenris. 

Was someone over? He was high risk! He thought that they were ok with each other now! 

“Hawke, who is over-”

Fenris stopped dead in his tracks when he saw what was happening. Hawke had moved the loveseat that matched their couch to be a few feet in front of the window that led out to their fire escape. The window was open, but the screen was in place. Outside on the fire escape was a girl who looked a little older than him. Both girls were drinking directly from bottles of alcohol. 

“Oh. Hey, Fenris. This is my friend Isabela. Isabela, that’s Fenris.” 

“Nice to meet you!” Isabela called from her spot outside. 

“What… What is happening?” He asked, still at a loss. 

“We’re socially distancing while we drink copious amounts of alcohol.” 

“I brought pillows and blankets so I can crash on your fire escape.” 

“This is certainly interesting. Where did you get the idea for this?” 

“Last week when I ran off I went to Isabela’s for comfort, but I didn’t want to risk going inside because you’re high risk, so I just stayed on the fire escape and I ended up passing out there.” 

Fenris’s heart flipped at the thought of Hawke keeping his safety in mind even while they were in such a huge fight.

“Figured I’d be the one sleeping on the fire escape this time.” Isabela laughed. 

“Come join us, Fenris!” Hawke said excitedly. “I’ve got plenty of alcohol, so I can share with you.” 

Fenris wasn’t sure why, but he made his way over to Hawke and joined her on the loveseat. She passed him the bottle of Fireball that she was drinking and he took a large swig. He grimaced and Hawke and Isabela both laughed at him. 

“Not a fan of Fireball?” 

“No. I prefer wine.” 

“Ooh, classy. I can tell you’re a man of discerning tastes.” Isabela teased, taking a sip from her bottle of whipped cream flavored vodka. 

“I’d be happy to show you how discerning my tastes can be.” Fenris flirted, smirking and taking another sip of Fireball. 

Hawke’s smile immediately fell and she felt a pang of jealousy go through her. She was sure it was harmless flirting, and Isabela clearly had no intention of getting with him considering she laughed at him rather than flirting back, but it still shook Hawke to her core. She had never seen Fenris flirt with anyone and she didn’t know why it bothered her so much. She wanted him to direct his flirting towards her, but why? 

Hawke spent the next hour closely watching Fenris and how he behaved around Isabela. She was mildly shocked that Fenris was friendly and open with her. Was it because she wasn’t a mage? Is this the kind of fun and flirty relationship she and Fenris would have if she weren’t a mage? 

This didn’t sit right with Hawke. 

Fenris on the other hand, was having a blast. It’d been so long since he’d interacted with anyone other than Hawke and it was fun. Isabela and Hawke were clearly very good friends and the ease of their rapport eased Fenris to drop his guard just the tiniest bit. Well, the Fireball was helping, too. 

“So how did you two meet?” Fenris asked both girls. 

Isabela and Hawke started laughing. 

“That’s a funny story, actually.” Isabela said through her laughter. She cleared her throat. “Ok, so basically I got into a fight in Hightown at night and Hawke was passing by and she helped me beat the shit out of those guys!” 

“Alright, hold on!” Hawke yelled, laughing and drunk. Fenris smiled endearingly at her, Isabela noticed. “That makes it sound so bad! Fenris,” She said, getting his attention. “I was still the Champion back then, ok? So, like, helping people was my thing, ok? It was literally in my job description.” 

Isabela rolled her eyes. “You always play the Champion card!” 

“That’s right, I do.” Hawke laughed, taking another drink. “Oh, Maker, wait! What about when we met Merrill for the first time?” 

Isabela burst into laughter. “Maker’s breath, Hawke! Now that’s a good story! Ok, Fenris, here’s what happened: Hawke had, like, recruited me to help her with her Champion business, right? So we all know Meredith is a racist cunt, and there was a Dalish clan camping outside of Kirkwall. Totally harmless, I love elves.” 

“Now who’s being racist?” Hawke teased and Isabela rolled her eyes. 

Fenris chuckled. These two were like a comedy duo and it was mildly incredible to watch. 

“Anyways,” Isabela said, drawing the attention back to her. “We go to meet with this clan as per Meredith’s request. We gotta tell ‘em to get out.” 

“Woah, don’t make it sound so bad!” Hawke cried. “I’d discovered plans Meredith made with the templars that used to be her underlings and they were planning to forcibly ‘move’ the Dalish clan under cover of darkness. We went there to warn them and offer protection if they didn’t want to leave.” Hawke explained. 

“Whatever, so we get there and this little kid sees us and the first thing he does is start screaming at the top of his lungs, ‘shem alert, shem alert!’ No idea what that means still.” Isabela laughed. 

“It’s the Elvhen word for human.” 

“Y’know, that makes a lot of sense.” Isabela said. “Anyway, the keeper comes out and she’s all like ‘who are you, what do you want?’ So Hawke explains she’s the Champion of Kirkwall and blah, blah, blah basically just explains they need to go because they’re in danger. The keeper is like ‘cool, we’ll go, but like, can I gift you with something as thanks for helping us?’ So Hawke is like ‘yeah sure, I’m Hawke, I’m the Champion, I’m a goody-two-shoes’!” Isabela broke down into laughter as Hawke threatened to jump through the window and strangle her, pandemic or not. “So the keeper is like, ‘wow great thanks I’ll have it brought to your house under the cover of darkness after we leave.’ And so we went back home. That night, a knock comes at Hawke’s front door. Oh, I was staying over, by the way. There was no way I was gonna miss this. Anyway, Hawke answers the door and standing there is a Dalish girl.” 

“So I asked her if she was from the clan and she said yes so I asked her what she brought me as the gift.” 

“And?” Fenris asked, surprised to find that he was invested in the story. 

“She said she was the gift!” Isabela said, bursting into laughter. “The keeper was so desperate to get rid of her that she just sent her away with the first person to show up.” 

“The issue was that the keeper kept suggesting she go out and explore the world, but she wouldn’t. She was very fond of her clan.” 

“What did you do?” Fenris asked, nearly frozen in fear. 

What they were describing seemed an awful lot like slavery. Who just gifts a person another person?

“I took her in for a while and helped her get a place, but since she’s an elf she could only get a place in the Alienage.” 

“Speaking of… You’re an elf, Fenris.”

“Am I? I hadn’t noticed.” 

Isabela rolled her eyes. “How’d you get a place in Hightown?” 

“The amount of money I had wasn’t to be ignored.” 

That, and his Reparations Card let him live outside of the Alienage. 

“Rich and handsome, I see.” Isabela purred. 

Hawke rolled her eyes and scoffed. “Careful, Bels, your desperation is showing.” 

Fenris couldn’t stop himself from laughing at that and as soon as Hawke heard it her heart nearly burst. It was such a sweet sound, so different from the quiet chuckles he let slip every so often. 

“Jealous, Hawke?” Isabela smirked. “Don’t worry, I won’t try to steal your man.” 

“Aw thanks, Jolene.” Hawke teased back and Isabela burst into laughter. 

Hawke joined her, but Fenris was just confused. 

“Who is Jolene?” Fenris asked. 

Both Hawke and Isabela became silent and turned their full attention to Fenris, eyes wide and jaws dropped. 

“You don’t know about the song Jolene? By Ferelden singing icon Dolly Parton?” Isabela asked. 

“No, I’m afraid I don’t.” 

“It’s only the best song in all of Thedas! Hold on, let me go get my speaker and I’ll play it for you!” Hawke said, jumping off the loveseat and running to her room. She was back in a matter of seconds and threw herself back onto the couch as she connected her phone to her speaker. “Here we go.” She said as she played the song. 

Fenris listened and understood what the song was about. A woman jealous of another woman named Jolene because Jolene wants her man. Simple, yet incredible in it’s composure. Fenris would be adding this song to his personal music library. 

“I understand now.” He said when the song was finished. 

“And? Thoughts?” 

“It’s… not a bad song.” 

Hawke’s face cracked into a sly smirk. “You like Jolene, don’t you Fenris?” 

Fenris could feel the tips of his ears turn red as his face began to flush at the accusation Hawke had made. She was correct, but did he really have to admit it? 

Fenris sighed. “Yes, I like it.” 

Isabela and Hawke broke into a fit of laughter yet again, but Fenris found that he didn’t mind that they were laughing at him. It was just nice to see them having so much fun. In his alcohol-hazed mind Fenris found himself happy to see that Hawke was so relaxed and happy. Since their fight last week and their sharing of their backgrounds, things had been better, but still a little tense. It was alright to be around each other, but there was always that little voice at the back of Fenris’s mind that told him Hawke hated him for all the awful things he’d said. It was nice to see that the voice was wrong; that Hawke didn’t hate him. 

Would this revelation stop the voice in his head? No, but in this moment, it helped. 

Hawke, Fenris, and Isabela kept drinking into the hours of early morning. They talked about anything and everything, it seemed, though Fenris was sure that he’d remember almost none of it tomorrow. Eventually, they all passed out. 

..............................................................................................................................................................................................................................

“Fenris.” A voice whisper-yelled. “Fenris!” 

Fenris jumped a little, opening his eyes. The morning light burned his eyes, but he noticed something strange: he wasn’t in any pain. He groaned, and tried to sit up, but found that he was under something. He lifted his head and saw that he was lying awkwardly along the loveseat and Hawke was tucked under his arm, half on top of him and half in the space between Fenris and the back of the loveseat. She was touching him and his tattoos didn’t hurt, not even like they usually did. The dull, constant ache he always felt was gone. His body felt light for the first time since he got his tattoos. 

“Fenris.” The voice whispered again and Fenris turned to look out the window. It was Isabela. “Hurt her and you’ll have me to deal with. See ya!” She said before descending the fire escape and leaving Fenris’s sight. 

He lifted his head to try to check the clock on the wall, but he couldn’t see it. He assumed it was still early since he was still exhausted. He wanted to get up and go to his bed, but the sheer peacefulness he was feeling was enough to lull him back to sleep. He had no memory of a time before the constant ache and honestly, it was incredible. Was this how everyone else felt all the time? 

Before he fell back asleep, Fenris found himself wishing he could feel this way forever.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FEELINGS?!?!?!?!?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: discussion about sterilization

When Fenris awoke again, the ache was back and worse than ever. The pain faded back to its usual dullness as he came back to the world of consciousness and by the time he was able to recognize his surroundings the pain was as it usually was. Fenris was thankful for that. He didn’t need his body to be in excruciating pain all day. 

Fenris sat up realizing that he was no longer held captive by Hawke’s sleeping form. He looked around and saw Hawke in the kitchen cooking. Suddenly, Fenris could smell her cooking and it smelled amazing to his hungover body. 

“Good morning, Hawke.” Fenris said as he walked over to the kitchen, standing by the island in the center. 

“Morning, Fenris!” Hawke said cheerily. “I’m making eggs and bacon. Best hangover cure.” 

“Well thank gods for that.” Fenris said, smirking cheekily. 

“Here, by the way.” Hawke said, handing Fenris a bottle. “It’s aspirin for the headache I bet you have right now.” 

Fenris chuckled and thanked her, taking the bottle. He checked the stove clock and realized that he needed to take his daily medication as well. He pulled his mug out of the cabinet and took out his pills. He noticed Hawke looking at the bottles out of the corner of her eye. 

“I take these for PTSD, anxiety, and depression, in case you were wondering.” Fenris said as he took his pills. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pry, it’s just that I take two of those too.” 

Fenris realized he should tell Hawke what he found under her bed. It would be wrong of him not to, right? He should tell her. Shouldn’t he? 

“I know.” He said before he could stop himself. “I… I saw your box of pills.” 

“What?” Hawke asked, confused. “How?” 

“I went into your room last week. You weren’t answering your phone and I feared that you might have left it in your room and that’s why you weren’t answering. I went into your room to see if I could hear it ringing, but I dropped my phone and it went under your bed and when I went looking for it, I found your box and saw your pills. I’m sorry, Hawke. I understand that’s a huge breach of privacy.” 

Hawke shook her head as she flipped the bacon. 

“I guess this is a good time to tell you that I also checked what prescriptions you were taking a few weeks ago.” 

Fenris looked at Hawke a moment before she burst into laughter and he let out a little chuckle of his own. 

“Sorry, Fenris.” Hawke said as her laughter died down. 

“No need to apologize, Hawke.” Fenris said, a small smile on his face, but it eventually fell as he thought about that one prescription he found. “May I… May I ask you about one of your prescriptions?” 

“You wanna know about the artificial hormones I take, right?” Hawke asked as she took the eggs off the heat. 

“I… Yes. I recognized it because some of the female slaves in Tevinter take it.” 

Hawke breathed a chuckle. “Of course they do.” Hawke took the bacon off the heat as well. “Let’s discuss it while we eat.” 

Hawke prepared plates of food for both her and Fenris. Fenris took his and they both walked to the kitchen table. They sat across from each other and began to eat. 

Hawke started to talk after her eggs were finished. “Meredith had one condition before she made me Champion. She wouldn’t send me to the Circle and she would make me Champion as long as I underwent sterilization surgery.” 

“Hawke, I’m so sorry, I didn’t know.” 

Hawke shrugged. “I thought it was fine. I was just a kid terrified of the Circle. It seemed like such a small price to pay that I did it happily.” Hawke ate a piece of bacon. “Then she killed my siblings and I recognized it for what it really was.” 

“What was it?” 

“She sterilized me and killed my siblings. No threat of more mages being born, at least not from this bloodline. The Hawke line is dead. It ends with me.” 

Hawke continued to eat her bacon, but Fenris was no longer hungry. He was too consumed with hatred to be hungry. Meredith, from everything Fenris has heard about her since moving in with Hawke, seems to be the worst person alive outside of the Tevinter Imperium. She had hurt Hawke in so many ways, tortured and tormented her and held Hawke’s freedom over her head. Meredith reminded Fenris of Danarius. 

Fenris suddenly realized how wrong he’d been this whole time. Hawke was a slave, just like him. She had someone holding her leash, just as he had. Her master had desecrated her body just as his had.   
They were the same, he and Hawke, and for once in his life he was starting to see what she meant when she likened being a mage to being a slave. The Circles were prisons. They must have been if a fifteen year old girl was willing to give up her fertility to avoid them. Did that make Templars just as bad as magisters? Meredith certainly was. 

“I actually think it’s for the best.” Hawke said, bringing Fenris out of his thoughts and placing his attention back on her. “I would never wish being a mage on anyone, especially not my child.” 

Fenris watched as a teardrop fell from Hawke’s eyes and trailed slowly down her cheek. She was still trying to smile and he knew it was for his sake. 

Fenris quickly grabbed Hawke’s hand from across the table, surprising her. 

“Hawke, what happened is not something you need to rationalize. It happened because you were taken advantage of by someone in power. Believe me when I say I know what that feels like; to feel so helpless that you’ll rationalize it any way you can. It wasn’t your fault.” 

Hawke felt Fenris squeeze her hand as he said that. It was such a comforting and reassuring gesture that she could no longer hold back her tears. She began crying in earnest now. She used her free hand to wipe her face, but no matter how many times she cleared her face of tears, more kept coming. 

Hawke wasn’t even sure why she was crying. She’d come to terms with her situation long ago and she knew she wasn’t crying for that. Children were annoying anyways, and she didn’t want them. No, her tears were for something else; someone else. 

Suddenly, Hawke realized she was crying for Fenris. 

Fenris continued to hold her hand through her breakdown. He barely noticed that while he did, the dull ache his tattoos gave him was gone once again. He didn’t have the wherewithal to try to figure out why that was; he was too focused on Hawke. Now wasn’t the time to think of himself. 

Eventually, Hawke calmed down enough to stop crying. She apologized, to which Fenris told her not to worry. Feelings are natural, he’d assured her, and she shouldn’t feel bad about expressing them. 

Hawke squeezed Fenris’s hand in thanks at his understanding and kind words, but she didn’t tell him that she was crying for him. 

Hawke smiled gratefully at Fenris and he released her hand. She found herself missing his touch as soon as it was gone. She loved the feel of his skin against hers. She loved him. 

Woah! Hold the fucking phones! Alarms started going off in Hawke’s mind. Love? Love?! Who the fuck did she think she was?! No, no, no, no, no! There were no feelings to be had for Fenris! Absolutely not! She was a mage. It wouldn’t be fair to Fenris for her to love him. 

Oh, Maker. Did Hawke have feelings for Fenris?! Did she actually?! This was bad. Really, really bad. She couldn’t have feelings for her roommate! Especially not for her roommate who hates mages, and while they were in a comfortable understanding with each other, that’s where it best be left. Involving feelings deeper than friendship was dangerous. Hawke was only going to get hurt. There was no future with Fenris, not for Hawke. 

“Thanks, Fenris. Sorry about breaking down.” 

“No need to apologize, Hawke. I will always be here for you. I-” 

But Fenris had to stop himself from what he was about to say. _I love you. _He was struck with the sudden realization, so much so that Hawke asked if he was alright. He was making a face, apparently. Fenris assured her he was fine, but he was far from it. What had he meant? Did he love her? Was that even… Could he… She was a…__

__It doesn’t matter, he thought. He immediately shoved that little voice to the back of his head. He didn’t need this right now. He was hungover and Hawke was just finishing up her breakdown… Now was time to focus on her, not worry about his complicated feelings._ _

__Fenris was never good at dealing with his emotions, and he wasn’t about to try to change that now._ _

__“Thanks, Fenris. It really means a lot to me that you still want to be my friend despite everything.”_ _

__“What do you mean?” He asked, genuinely confused as to what she was talking about._ _

__“I’m a mage. I probably remind you of the magisters.”_ _

__“You’re nothing like them.” Fenris said firmly. It surprised Hawke. “Don’t ever think yourself the same as them. You are so much more than they will ever be.”_ _

__Hawke felt heat rise to her face. Fenris was speaking with such passion in defense of her… It was charming and it was making her blush._ _

__“Careful, Fenris.” Hawke said, the smirk on her face telling him she was about to tease him. “I might start to think you have a crush on me.”_ _

__Fenris sighed and rolled his eyes, though Hawke noticed the tips of his ears turning pink, a clear sign he was flustered. Hawke laughed and Fenris eventually joined with a chuckle of his own. They were going to be just fine._ _


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Varric shows up finally!

“Look, you can cut me a break, right? Because I really need a break right now.” 

“I don’t know, Hawke. It might show favoritism.” 

“But I am your favorite, Varric.” 

“That’s true.” Varric chuckled. “Alright, Hawke, I’ll cut you a break.” 

“Thank you, Varric!” 

“Yeah, yeah. Instead of the final paper I’ll… allow you to write a letter.” 

“A letter?” Hawke asked, confused. 

“Yeah, a letter. Write a letter to someone you love and submit it. I’ll count it as a creative writing piece and it’ll replace the final.” 

A letter to someone she loved? Could Hawke do that? It seems like it’d be a pretty emotional undertaking. Did it really beat writing a ten page analytical paper? 

“I’ll do it.” 

“Great.” Varric said. “No length requirement or anything, just stuff it full of emotion and send it my way by the deadline.” 

“Thanks, Varric. I really appreciate it.” 

“No problem, Hawke. How are you holding up, by the way? Quarantine been rough?” 

“You know, it was a little rough at first, but Fenris and I came to know more about each other and now we’re actually friends, so it hasn’t been too bad.” 

“Glad to hear it. I always thought you and Broody would be good friends.” 

Hawke rolled her eyes. Varric was her literature and writing professor as well as a good friend. She’d known him from her time as Champion and now as a student. He also knew Fenris from the Hanged Man Pub in Lowtown. Apparently they were drinking buddies, which is why when Fenris mentioned needing a roommate, Varric had him send him the link to the Craigslist ad so he could forward it to Hawke. 

“Well anyways, thanks again, Varric. You’ve always been there for me, ever since I came to Kirkwall and I appreciate it.” 

“Yeah, yeah, don’t go getting all soft on me now. I’ll talk to you later, Hawke.” 

“Bye, Varric.” Hawke chuckled before hanging up. 

Talking to Varric always cheered Hawke up, even if she was begging him to give her a different final assignment so she wouldn’t fail his class. Not that she would even if she did the original final project. As awful as it was, Varric would never fail Hawke and this was something Hawke knew, but she still wanted to try hard and do her best to succeed. 

Now Hawke had a different beast to tackle. She didn’t have to write a ten page analysis of the books she didn’t read this semester, but she did have to write a letter to someone she loved. She thought about writing the letter to one of her family members, but Varric wouldn’t give her a sympathy grade (he knew too much about her to fall for that), so Hawke thought again. What about one of her friends? She could write about Isabela, or Merrill. Maybe even Anders, though that might give him the wrong idea if he ever found out about it. He was oddly enamored by Hawke and she was pretty sure it was only because she was a fellow mage. Maybe she could write her letter to Varric? Stroke his ego a little to get a better grade? No, he wouldn’t fall for that sort of flattery anymore than he’d fall for pity fishing. 

“Hawke, I’m going to order dinner from Oba. Do you want your usual or do you want to look at the menu so you can pretend like you’re going to pick something different?” Fenris asked as he walked into Hawke’s room. 

Suddenly, Hawke knew exactly who she was going to write her letter to. 

“Oh, Fenris, you know me so well.” Hawke teased, smiling wide. “I’ll just get the usual.”

“You’re quite predictable, Hawke.” Fenris smirked. 

“What can I say? I’m a missionary-at-7pm-every-Wednesday kinda girl.” She shrugged. 

Fenris could feel the tips of his ears turn red as the image of Hawke naked beneath him popped into his head. He tried to change his thoughts quickly so the image would leave his brain. 

“Missionary, Hawke? Isabela would be so disappointed in you.” He teased back. 

Hawke gasped dramatically in a scandalized fashion, throwing her hand against her neck, grasping imaginary pearls, but she said nothing else. Fenris couldn’t stop the smirk that formed as he shook his head at Hawke’s dramatics. He made his way out of her room so he could finish ordering their dinner.

Hawke got off her bed and followed after Fenris. She found him in the living room on the couch, engrossed in his phone. Hawke jumped onto the couch next to him, startling him. 

“Hawke…” He practically growled. 

“Ooh, yeah, say my name just like that.” 

Fenris rolled his eyes, but that image of Hawke naked beneath him popped up again. Ever since they’d reconciled their differences and become friends, Hawke was flirtier than ever. He truly thought she couldn’t get anymore insufferable, and yet… 

“You understand you’re insufferable right?” 

“My mother described it as ‘sharp’, but ‘insufferable’ works, too.” Hawke grinned cheekily despite the information she just revealed. 

Fenris assumed she didn’t have a great relationship with her mother while she was alive. Hawke had mentioned that her mother blamed her for the rest of their family’s deaths, so they couldn’t have been close, but still. 

“Sharp?” Fenris asked before he could stop himself. 

“Yeah. She used to say I was just a sharp person. She also said I was abrasive and ugly and that’s why I’ll never find love.” Hawke giggled, smiling brightly. 

Maybe if you didn’t know Hawke, you’d assume this didn’t bother her, but Fenris saw through her mask and knew that these were words that truly bothered her, and despite her mother being three years dead, her words still haunted Hawke. 

“You’re a very beautiful woman, Hawke.” 

Hawke’s eyebrows shot up to her hairline. “What?” 

Fasta vass, he hadn’t meant to say that! He’d wanted to say something that would make her feel better, yet that’s what slipped out! Quick, he had to say something, quickly. 

“It’s just an objective fact.” He shrugged, hoping Hawke wouldn’t notice his red-hot ears. 

“Ah, I always wanted to be objectively beautiful.” 

Fenris sighed. That wasn’t what he meant. 

“That wasn’t what I meant and you know it, Hawke. Tell me, are you tired?” 

“Huh? Tired? From what?” 

“From all this fishing you’re doing.” 

Again, Hawke’s eyebrows shot straight up, but she quickly devolved into wild laughter. She fell onto her back and held her stomach as she laughed harder. 

Finally, she sat up and wiped her face free of the tears that had come from laughing too hard. 

“Fenris!” She cried, her eyes now free of that burdened look they had whenever she talked about her mother. “That was excellent! You really got me!” 

Fenris allowed himself to smirk, just a little. 

“Do you truly think so little of me, Hawke, to think me incapable of completely roasting you?” 

Hawke laughed again for another moment, and this time Fenris allowed himself to laugh along with her. Hawke’s heart, upon hearing Fenris laugh, nearly stopped beating. It was such a lovely sound. She wanted to say something, but she figured that would ruin it, and she wanted to be able to hear him laugh again. If she said something about it, he might never laugh around her again. 

“So how long until our food arrives?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the weird updates this last week, my mom got sick (not COVID thankfully) and I've been taking care of her so it's been a kind of weird time for me so I'm gonna just post the rest of the fic today! Hooray!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fenris thinks Hawke has a boyfriend and Varric makes another appearance

“Are you sure there isn’t anything I can do for you?” 

“No, I’m alright.”

“Ok, well then I guess I’ll call you next week. Usual time?” 

“Yes.”

“Alright. I love you.” 

“I love you, too, Maera.” 

Hawke sighed as the line beeped, indicating that whomever she was speaking to had hung up the phone. Fenris wasn’t sure why, but his heart sank right into the pit of his gut. Hawke had a boyfriend, and for some reason, that bothered Fenris more than anything else. His chest ached as the words repeated themselves in his head. I love you. Hawke was in love, and from what Fenris had overheard, it seemed like this man was hard pressed to love her back, and that was where most of his hurt was coming from. Who wouldn’t love Hawke the way she deserved to be loved? It wasn’t fair to her. She was an incredible woman, beautiful, smart, and helpful… She deserved happiness; a happiness this man wasn’t giving her. Fenris could give her that happiness. 

Wait, what? Fenris shook his head to forcibly remove that thought from his mind. No. He had confirmation now that Hawke wasn’t single and despite what the voice at the back of his head said, she wasn’t interested in him. He’d thought she was, but he’d misunderstood, clearly. 

Fenris turned to walk away, but the floorboard creaked and he stood stock still, hoping beyond hope that Hawke hadn’t heard him through her open door, but he wasn’t so lucky. 

“Fenris? Is that you?” She called. 

“Yes, sorry, did I bother you?” He asked, stepping into her doorway so she could see him. 

“No. Um, how long were you standing there?” She asked, suddenly very nervous. 

This worried Fenris. He couldn’t get caught eavesdropping on Hawke, not while they were in such a good place with their friendship. 

Friendship. The word stung Fenris, causing his heart to clench. 

“I was just making my way to the bathroom.” He lied. 

“Oh, ok.” 

Fenris didn’t make a move to leave and Hawke didn’t tell him to. He stood there for a moment, the silence growing thick between them. 

“Are you alright, Hawke?” He asked. 

She looked at him, but didn’t speak, the burden of unfallen tears weighing her tongue down. She forced a smile and nodded. 

“Yeah, I’ll be ok.” 

I’ll be ok. That meant she wasn’t ok now. Fenris wanted to push the subject, but he feared for what they had built. He’d always been bad with knowing where the line was, too often taking things too far and crossing boundaries. He didn’t want to do that with Hawke. He wanted to continue to be in her life, even if could only be in it as a friend. 

“Hawke,” Fenris started, carefully planning his next words. “If there’s ever anything you wish to talk about, I’m willing to listen.” 

Hawke looked up at Fenris from where she sat on her bed. She forced a smile. 

“Thanks, Fenris, but I’m good, really. No need to worry about little ol’ me.” She tried to joke, but it was hollow and they both knew it. 

Fenris nodded, then turned and left. Hawke was not in a speaking mood and he knew that. He wouldn’t push the subject in case he accidentally pushed her out of his life, too. 

..............................................................................................................................................................................................................................

“You’ve been getting an unusual amount of text messages today, Hawke.” Fenris said as they ate dinner together. 

It’d been two weeks since Fenris learned of Hawke’s boyfriend and he was finding himself growing angrier in that time. He’d never admit to jealousy, but a rose by any other name… 

“Yeah, I’ve been trying to deal with this _thing _.”__

__“ _Thing _?” Fenris asked.___ _

____“Yeah. It’s no big deal, it’s just a _thing _. Don’t worry about it.”___ _ _ _

______“Are you sure? I’m here if you need to talk-”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“It’s fine, Fenris, ok?” Hawke snapped._ _ _ _ _ _

______Fenris recoiled at her sudden anger and Hawke immediately felt guilty for snapping at him. He didn’t deserve her anger. It wasn’t his fault she was keeping secrets from him, after all._ _ _ _ _ _

______Hawke knew she should just be open with Fenris. He already knew everything else about her, so he would understand this, but… Hawke had never told anyone about this. She’d even lied to Fenris about it when it came up during their talk. It was a secret, and Hawke was ashamed._ _ _ _ _ _

______The shame was the worst part of it. There was no reason to feel shame, yet she felt it every time he texted or each time he called. It simmered deep in her gut and she could tell it was going to boil over soon. She should tell Fenris. She should._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Does this _thing _have to do with your boyfriend?” Fenris asked, his voice short and his tone changed by an emotion Hawke had never heard from him before: jealousy.___ _ _ _ _ _

________“Boyfriend?” Hawke asked, completely surprised by Fenris’s accusation._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I heard you speaking with him on the phone two weeks ago. You could have told me, you know. There was no reason to keep him a secret.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Hawke tried to think about what Fenris was talking about. Then it suddenly hit her._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Fenris, I don’t have a boyfriend.” She said._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Do you truly think me so foolish?” He snapped. “I heard you, Hawke. You said you loved him. If this thing you’re dealing with is about him, you can just tell me.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Fenris, I don’t have a boyfriend.” Hawke said, more forcefully this time, her own anger beginning to rise._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He was being an ass right now, butting into things where he doesn’t belong. She was allowed to have secrets. He didn’t have to know about everyone in her life._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Really, Hawke?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Really! Are you so self-involved that you think you’re entitled to know about everyone in my life?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Fenris was taken aback by her comment, but it was too late. He’d started a fight and they were both too stubborn to back down._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“You forced me to tell you everything about my life, yet here I find you keeping secrets. How can I trust you, Hawke?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Not everything is about you, Fenris. I’m allowed to have secrets, as are you.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I don’t have secrets, Hawke, not from you.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Maker, fine! You wish to know so badly?! I was speaking with my father!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________All the anger and jealousy immediately left Fenris as he shrank in his seat. He hadn’t expected that, hadn’t expected anything even remotely like that._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Wh- Hawke, I thought…” But he couldn’t finish what he was trying to say because even he didn’t know what he was trying to say._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Hawke sighed and her shoulders dropped, her anger gone as well. “Fenris, I lied, ok? I lied when I said my father was killed by those Templars. They did drag him out of our home and they did ask if any one else was a mage. My father said no and they believed him. He said he would rather die than go to the Circle, but Templars only get that pay boost if they bring a mage to the Circle alive. They made him Tranquil in our driveway while me and my sister watched. Then, they took him to the Circle. He went willingly, once he was Tranquil.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Hawke, I-”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“The worst part of it all is that when you’re Tranquil you have no emotions. A lot of people like to ignore that part and only think of the benefit of the Rite of Tranquility. They’ll tell you it’s safer this way, that rogue mages deserve it, but… Fenris, do you have any idea what my father said to me when I told him our entire family was gone? That Bethany and Carver were murdered and mother had taken her own life?” Hawke was crying now, and Fenris shook his head in response to her question. “He said, ‘how does that concern me?’”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Fenris was truly lost for words and guilt gripped his heart tight. Shame boiled over in his gut and spread throughout his body, drowning him in that awful feeling. There was nothing he could say to Hawke to make this better, to make this hurt go away. He’d truly done it now, let his jealousy over an invented boyfriend bring Hawke to such levels of unbridled sadness._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He was despicable._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“He calls me once a week and we talk. He tells me about his life and what’s going on and I have to sit there and listen to him tell me all the awful things the Templars and other mages do to him and I have to pretend like they aren’t acts of hatred and violence because he doesn’t see them as such. He no longer understands that those acts are wrong. He only says he loves me because I say it first and he thinks it’s expected of him. He isn’t capable of loving me anymore. So yes, Fenris, I lied, but it’s better to say my father is dead, because the man who raised me is. Those Templars killed Malcolm Hawke and the man in the Ferelden Circle is just a shell.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Silence fell between Fenris and Hawke and remained for a long, long time. The sun set, plunging their apartment into darkness as they continued to sit in silence at the kitchen table, their shared dinner long since forgotten between them. Neither had words for the other. But what do you say in a situation such as this? Neither knew the answer, so they both remained quiet._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________.............................................................................................................................................................................................................................._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Look, broody, just apologize. You didn’t know.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“It’s more than that, Varric. I knew enough not to push, but I did it anyway.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Kid, you’ve got to stop blaming yourself for everything. So you got a little jealous. What man doesn’t? Just explain yourself to her and it’ll be fine.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I cannot tell Hawke that I forced her to tell me what she told me simply because I was jealous and acting petty.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“You know, if you just told me what she told you I might be able to help better.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Nice try, Varric, but I won’t fall for that. It’s not my place.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I know, I know. I just figured it was worth a shot.” Varric teased from the other end of the phone._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Fenris had no one else to talk to about what had happened between him and Hawke. Normally, he’d talk to no one and keep all his feelings inside forever. Unfortunately, Hawke had decided to insert herself into his life and show him that having friends and people to talk to can be a good thing, and now he was finding himself unable to bury his feelings. He’d needed to talk about them with someone, and he only knew one person who would listen and offer some semblance of good advice: Varric Tethras._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Look, kid, if things are bothering you that much, then I have an exercise you can try.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“An exercise?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Yeah, an exercise. Write a letter to Hawke explaining how you feel.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“A letter?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Yes.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“To Hawke?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Yes.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“And do what with it?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Send it to me.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“If I’m writing a letter to Hawke, why would I send it to you?” Fenris asked, confused by the concept of this exercise._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Because that way you get the feelings off your chest. You can say what’s been on your mind and get the relief of sending the letter without any of the fear of actually sending it to Hawke.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Fenris pondered this idea for a moment. He hated to admit it, but it made sense and actually seemed like somewhat of a good idea._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I… I think I will do that, Varric.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Great. Write out your letter and email it to me whenever, but the sooner the better. You don’t want these feelings rattling around in your brain any longer than they need to be.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Varric… I-”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“You don’t gotta say it, kid, I already know. I’ll talk to you soon. Hopefully this quarantine will end soon so we can get drinks again.” And with that, Varric hung up._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Fenris put his phone down and began to think. A letter to Hawke? What would he even say? She’d never see it, so he could say anything he wanted to. He could tell her all the things he’d been thinking since he met her, like how she’s brave and kind and loyal, and how even when she’s at her most insufferable there’s no place Fenris would rather be than at her side. He could tell Hawke a lot of things in this letter, but most importantly, he could tell her he loves her._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	10. Final Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawke and Fenris both get an email from Varric. I wonder what's inside?

Almost two weeks had passed since Fenris and Hawke’s almost fight. They’d both elected to ignore it ever happened and were somewhat on the road to pretending like it never happened. Hawke could laugh around Fenris again, so at least that was something. 

Hawke was alone in her room when her phone buzzed. She looked and saw it was an email notification from Varric. He must have graded her letter. 

Hawke opened the email and saw it was empty save for the single attachment titled ‘letter’. Had this been a mistake? Had he sent her back her letter? Or was this her letter with corrections? 

Hawke pressed her thumb to the screen and opened the attachment. To her surprise, the letter was addressed to her: 

_Hawke,_

_I am unsure of how to start this letter. You should know, Varric talked me into this. He said it would be a good way to practice my writing. He’s the only one who’s going to see it, so I don’t understand why I have to address it to you and write as if you’ll ever see this. It’s ridiculous, Varric, but I suppose there is some merit to this exercise. It gives me a way to work through all these things I’m feeling._

_And how am I feeling? I’m sure you’d love to know, wouldn’t you, Hawke? You’re always so nosy. Festis bei umo canavarum, this I’m sure of, but perhaps it will not be that bad. For some reason, you make me look forward to even the most awful of life’s events because I know that by your side, they would be bearable._

_Fasta vass, this is awful; this writing about my feelings. Feelings should be private. Then why am I doing it? I am unsure, but perhaps I do wish to tell you how I feel, Hawke. First, however, I must apologize. There are things I have said and not said, and I’m sorry for all of it. You’ve shown me another way of thinking, for which I am grateful. I know that there are certain things of which you will not change my mind, but you know this too, and you don’t try to change my mind and you can’t know how much that means to me._

_There are a lot of things I want to tell you, Hawke, and a lot of things I don’t, but I suppose I lost the ability to keep things from you the moment you made me fall in love with you. And don’t try to argue with me and say you didn’t, you know you did. I was fine, perfectly content being on my own until you moved in and showed me what I was missing. Hawke, if it weren’t for you, I would have spent the rest of my life alone thinking I was better off that way. You and I have lived in this apartment together for ten months. For six of those months we weren’t even speaking, so how you managed to change my life so completely in just four months, I’ll never know. You’ve accepted me as I am, even when I was someone I’m not proud to admit I was._

_You like to think of your time as Champion as a bad memory, but I think you’re thinking of it all wrong. Forgive me, I know it isn’t my place, but you think Meredith made you Champion. That isn’t true, Hawke. It’s the people you helped who made you Champion. I’ve looked into the things you’ve done as Champion and from what I can tell, the good far outweighs the bad. The help you’ve provided those of lesser means than your own is truly astounding. I know about Orana, the escaped slave you brought into your own home. You sheltered her and gave her a job and taught her the ways of the free world. I know you gave her some of the money you made off the estate so she could start a new life in Ferelden. Hawke, you taught Orana how to fight so she wouldn’t be defenseless against slavers. These are not the deeds of an evil woman. You were Champion because the people you helped saw the good in you and chose you to represent them. If I am not at fault for the things Danarius made me do, then you are not at fault for the things Meredith made you do._

_I suppose there’s really only one thing left for me to say. Meeting you was the most important thing that ever happened to me, Hawke, and nothing could be worse than the thought of living without you. If there is a future to be had, I will walk into it gladly at your side._

_I am yours,_

_Fenris_

Now, at the same time Hawke’s phone buzzed, Fenris’s did as well. He checked to see an email notification. He opened it, and saw he had an email from Varric. Did Varric have something to say about the letter he wrote? Why would he? He said he wouldn’t open it. 

Fenris opened the email and saw it was blank. Wait, scratch that, it had an attachment at the bottom simply titled ‘letter’. Maybe Fenris had messed up and it was sending his letter back to him? He touched the attachment link and it opened, but to his ever evolving surprise, this letter was addressed to him:

_Fenris,_

_So it’s come to this, huh? Before you say anything or get the wrong idea, no, I’m not this sappy. Varric encouraged me to write this letter. Ok, fine, it’s a replacement for my final project and he’s grading me on it, but still, every word of this letter is the full truth. You deserve nothing less._

_Varric sent me the link to your Craigslist ad. He thought we’d get along and be the very best of friends. I think he knew, though, that I would eventually feel this way for you, that sly bastard. Not to be racist, but you can’t trust dwarves. I hope both of you know I’m just kidding._

_Anyways, the moment I saw you, Fenris, I knew you were the one. How could I not? I’m pretty sure you’re the most handsome and beautiful man I’ve ever seen. Your eyes remind me of the summers in Lothering; so green and lush and full of vibrant life. I figured out right away that you hate eye contact, so I avoided it for your sake, but believe me when I tell you I could get lost in your eyes like they were the thickest forest. I wouldn’t even care if no one found me. And Maker’s balls, your voice. Your voice! You sometimes growl when you’re upset and oh the places my mind goes when you do..._

_You hate mages. I am a mage. By these two facts alone I shouldn’t have developed feelings for you, but you made it impossible not to. Even when you were condemning me, the passion with which you spoke struck me in such a way that even though we were fighting I was finding myself falling for you. I’ve always been falling for you._

_Your hatred isn’t unfounded and I’m not fool enough to try to talk you out of it. You make valid points and sometimes I hate that about you. You have me thinking Circles might not be so bad, despite everything I lost to avoid them. And yet, there have been times when you’ve actually conceded to my side. Through your trust in me, you’ve opened your eyes to the injustices many mages face outside the Imperium and I’m eternally grateful for that. The fact that you’ve been through what you’ve been through and still chose to put your trust in me is so incredibly brave and I don’t thank you for it enough._

_I lost my father, then both my younger siblings, and finally my mother. I’ve spent the last three years completely and utterly alone, until I moved in with you. You’ve opened my eyes to injustices far beyond what I could have imagined and I like to believe I’m a better person for it. You took me in, Fenris. Sure, we weren’t friends at first and then we had our disagreement, but this quarantine has brought us together. When I ran off, you worried about me. You actually worried about me. No one’s been there to worry about me in years and I know I’ve told you it meant a lot, but I truly can’t impress upon you just how much it actually meant to me._

_I don’t really know where I’m going with this anymore. I’m not good with words, but writing this letter is a hell of a lot easier than saying any of this out loud, so bear with me please._

_Varric assigned me to write a letter to someone I love. I thought about writing this letter to my father, but I truly couldn’t remember enough about who he was before he was made Tranquil to write a letter. Then I thought about Bethany and Carver. I could write a letter to them, but I’m unworthy of loving them. I don’t deserve it, not after what I did to them. Same goes for my mother. I couldn’t very well write a letter to her when the last letter she wrote to me blamed me for my father and my siblings’ deaths. Then I thought about my friends. I thought about Isabela, Merrill, Anders, Aveline, Sebastian, and Varric. I could write to them. I love them, after all. They’re my friends, aren’t they? But then you walked into my room. I remember it perfectly because you didn’t knock, you just walked in. I knew in that moment that you felt comfortable with me and I also knew in that moment that I would write my letter to you. I really didn’t have any other choice. You’d just gotten out of the shower and your hair, oh Maker your wet hair slicked back… You had me, hook, line, and sinker. From that moment on, I was yours._

_I guess all my rambling has led to this. If there is one thing you should know from reading this letter, it’s that I love you, Fenris, and I think I always have._

_Yours, for as long as you’d have me,_

_Hawke_

Both Fenris and Hawke ran out of their bedrooms as soon as they finished reading their letters, literally bumping into each other in the hallway. They tumbled to the ground and looked at each other in silence for a moment before Hawke burst out laughing. 

“He really pulled one over on us, huh?” She asked, getting up with the help of Fenris’s outstretched hand. 

“So… That letter was from you?” Fenris asked. 

“Yeah.” Hawke said, a blush forming across her face, something Fenris had never seen before. She was usually so confident. “I, uh, I didn’t think you’d ever read it.” 

“But you meant it?” Fenris asked again, having to be sure. 

Hawke nodded and opened her mouth to speak, but Fenris cut her off by grabbing her head between his hands and kissing her hard on the mouth. She immediately kissed back without any hesitation and Fenris’s heart swelled at the implications. 

“I love you, Fenris.” Hawke said as soon as they pulled apart, not even taking the time to breathe. 

“I-... Hawke, I… I’m not there.” 

Hawke smiled at Fenris. “I know.” 

“Yet.” 

“Yet?” She asked

“Yet.” He confirmed. 

Hawke pulled Fenris into another kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who read this story! Thanks to everyone who commented and left kudos, they mean the world to me! As always, you can find me on tumblr under the same username, el-frijole.  
> Hope you all enjoyed and special thanks to Kirkwall Coffee on YouTube for inspiring the ending to this fic!

**Author's Note:**

> Follow and scream at me on el-frijole.tumblr.com


End file.
